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Now I’m ready to give it another shot, because I’ve hit upon a theory – one that will exorcise my dating demons and turn me into a great seducer of women. If we’d met on a Friday, who knows what would have happened. I think she enjoyed our chat but it was hard to tell. I produce a biography of Tito from my bag but the coincidence fails to stimulate conversation. Apparently women like someone noticing little details in their outfit. Conversation – or the lack of it – has been playing on my mind.

Then he gives me 200 virtual “date points” that I’m to distribute among the four traits. I used to, and I think at times I might even have enjoyed it. S from Tinder is smiley and chatty with faultless social skills. Wine with M from Lovestruck – the first date I’ve really enjoyed, and the first woman I found attractive just by looking at her photo.But after one romantic disaster too many, I reviewed my dating history and concluded there was something wrong either with a) every girl I’d ever dated or b) me. R from Lovestruck is Japanese – lovely, totally incomprehensible. When she was a baby she was kissed by Marshal Tito. She’s Italian, sort of like a sexless Sophia Loren. The algorithms that sites such as Lovestruck use to match people seem somewhat redundant post-Tinder, where appearance is everything. After a couple of false starts, I unwittingly use a blinding opener to attract C: “Nice bracelet.” This half-arsed hello is, remarkably, golden.This trait game, along with Royzman’s review of the literature on attraction, hints at some of the endless quirks of the online dating marketplace.You might like someone online, but they put 100 on income, and unfortunately you’re about a 10.The theory goes that when you’re learning a skill – whether it’s ninjutsu or 21st century mating rituals – you’ll make greater progress if you practise intensively. After 30 minutes on Tinder – the app that lets people hook up with the swipe of a finger – frantically registering my interest with no regard for acne, bodyweight or bad teeth, I’m rewarded with several matches. “If you want to appear confident, be armed with something to open with. Talk about the weather if you have to.” K from Tinder is a nice, slightly chubby nanny. Loads can't) My second nanny of the day, teetotal L, again from Lovestruck.

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